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What’s something you hate doing while on your period?Ĭoughing.When you get out of the shower on your period, it’s a race between you, time, and gravity.When you have period cramps but you haven’t actually started yet, it’s like your uterus is just humming the Jaws theme song.Uterus: “How about this?” *cranks up pain level by one million* Me: “I hate you.” Uterus: “Same.” OK, I think I can handle this level of pain.” Me: *After an hour of excruciating cramps* “Ow, ow, ow, ow.Me on my period: “Why are you crying?” “I DON’T KNOW!” Me 80 percent of the time: *shows zero emotion, stone-cold, feels nothing*.One time I panicked because I’d been on my period for 23 days…īut then I checked my calendar.The audience gave it a standing ovulation.

#Dark humor jokes tik tok movie

Did you hear about the screening of that documentary movie on period jokes?.

when George gets contaminated by the sock.

If you threw a tampon into a crowd of boys, they would freak out screaming.

Like, yeah, your period sucks, but here’s 50 percent off some ice cream.

They should put prizes inside tampon boxes.

Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever.

Uterus: 😊 Uterus: 😉 Uterus: JK, here’s some brown sludge.

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Me: *has no supplies, has a full schedule, wearing light bottoms* Period: LET’S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Me: *has pads/tampons ready and doesn’t wear anything that might show bloodstains*.Uterus: And a sleepover afterward? Me: … Uterus: Hardly any breaks? Me: … Uterus: Wouldn’t it be a shame… Uterus: if something were to… Me: … Uterus: happen? Uterus: Oh, you have a completely full day of activity?.You feel like you’ll never be happy again and only chocolate can make it better. Getting your period is like being attacked by a dementor.You know what my favorite mythical creatures are?.People who exercise in order to get rid of period cramps….Other times it’s like VACATE THE AREA IT’S A TSUNAMI. A woman’s period is like once a month her body accidentally hits caps lock on her emotions.Uterus: I didn’t bleed all day yesterday - you should totally wear cute panties.Period: You didn’t like those brand new underwear right? Period: Yell at a puppy. Period: For dinner, you’re eating an entire bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Period: Where’s your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen? Period: Got things to do? Don’t care. Period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it. Period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast? Period: How’s that back pain? Feeling better? Let’s fix that. Period: WAKE UP A**HOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.

#Dark humor jokes tik tok tv

What is an ovary’s favorite type of TV show?.Guess you could say people with irregular periods go with the flow.In American Sign Language, the sign for having your period is basically punching yourself in the face….For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached.” The clerk replies, “Yes, it is the correct price.

Thinking this is a misprint, she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar.

A young woman steps into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself.

Which is probably why you hear more stories of men caught for murder.

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Periods help you learn how to get blood off things….

Tampon who? You bloody well know who I am.

Girl: Hey, Mother Nature! It’s been a while.

This whole period thing is really cramping my style.

Me: Ugh, can we not do this today? Period: I can come back in 9 months? Me: Keep fucking singing.

Did you hear about the rapper who only battled when she was on her period?.

Period Jokes That Make the Perfect Distraction